Hayden and the Cat Tree
by Norberta772
Summary: Hayden takes a vacation to Australia, where he finds cats and new love.


**Author's Note: Hello, once again, unsuspecting (and possibly suspecting-ish) whollie-nuggets, and welcome to another installment of norberta772 and connorxrisa897 writing our fabulous randomness and sharing it with the world. We feel Hayden is the underappreciated masterpiece of Unwind, so we gave him his own fic. HayCon is in need of more love. Also introducing a brand-new ship (!) HayBlo! BYEE**

** Disclaimer: Unwind will be ours after we take over the world and forcibly take it… but until then it belongs to NS (for now).**

Hayden is painting cats. He loves cats, but not as much as he loves dogs. Whenever he gets depressed, his instant pick-me-up is to set off with his trusty easel into the desert to observe the bands of feral cats that hang around the cactus groves. True, he occasionally has to run away in terror if they discover his watching them, as he really doesn't want to go through potential rabies treatment again. Also, he can't paint worth crap, but that's irrelevant. Turning the sleek, muscular physiques of wild animals into scribbled little stick figures never fails to arouse in him unbridled joy.

He went on a vacation to Australia because he heard there was a plant called the Cat Tree. Unfortunately, the cat tree is used to hang up dead cats instead. However, by the time this fact was brought to his attention, he was already in the country/continent, and felt it would be unwise to waste such a marvelous trip.

Sadly, the only color of paint that Hayden could afford was cerulean, so he bought a whole gallon of it and brought it with him to the town of Random-Ass, Australia. This probably isn't actually the name of the small desert oasis, but it is so hopelessly backwards and off the map that it might as well be. He had a rather difficult time bringing his paint with him on the airplane, because apparently, airport security isn't cool with random unidentified teenagers who have literally no legitimate reason to be going to Australia anyway trying to smuggle gallons of blue paint in a carry-on duffel bag.

Hayden is bored. He decides it would be a really good idea to call his friend Connor, who he has had a wicked crush on for years. Even though Connor has a girlfriend and seems to be absolutely oblivious to his undying affection, Hayden refuses to give up. Someday, they will be together. It _will_ happen. Eventually. But for the time being, Hayden just wants to call him and see what's happening. He takes his phone out of his pocket and dials the familiar number.

It rings for what seems like fourteen thousand, five hundred and seventy-two minutes before a breathless male voice picks up.

"God damn it, Hayden!" Connor yells. "What do you want?"

Hayden feels that his true response to this question would be inappropriate at the time.

"I just wanted to say hi!" he lies cheerfully. "See how you were and all."

"I'm great," Connor mutters, a not-so-subtle hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Connor, what the hell?" a female voice whines in the background.

"Be right there," he reassures her.

"So, buddy, what are you doing?"

"Uhh, nothing you need to concern yourself with…" Connor says, still panting a bit, at the same time that the girl in the background, who Hayden has to assume is Risa, yells,

"Lying back and thinking of England!"

"England…?" Hayden murmurs, baffled. "Wait, do you mean you're…? _Oh_."

"Yeah…" Connor says into the phone, obviously now very uncomfortable.

"Well, gosh, um, I'm sorry…"

"Nah, man, it's okay. It's just that… you know, I've got to get back to Risa here. She's a bit pissed at the moment, and I still want to-"

"Got it!" Hayden interjects urgently. "All right, well, you guys have fun, I guess. I'll just go look at more cactuses-"

"CACTI!" Risa screams.

"Yeah. Uh, bye."

And with that, Hayden dejectedly hangs up the phone, lamenting why he couldn't be a pretty girl.

Hayden sits on the ground. The appeal of cats is gone now, and he can only think of Connor. A few hours later, a Hispanic man wearing a tux comes up to him and introduces himself as Pablo. They chat for a while, watching the colorful Australian sunset together. Hayden is shocked by how much they have in common, and soon the hours melt away as they discuss life, love, and their favorite fruit: grapes.

When the last shining rays have disappeared over the horizon, Pablo swiftly kisses Hayden's cheeks and says in his beautiful, deep, seductive voice,

"Hayden, my dear. It has been a pleasure. I shall remember you with fondness forever and always. I wish I could remain with you here for a longer time, but I have to go to Arizona for a photo-shoot. My salsa studio is having a new promotion, and, well, they need their star dancer. Perhaps we'll meet again someday…" And he's gone, leaving Hayden once again alone with the Australian desert, some seriously aggressive cats, a few cacti, and way too much blue paint.

Fin


End file.
